Your Self-Worth and Tennis — SS #6

His mood was always mercurial.

On weeks where he won his league match, he loved tennis.

When he lost or played poorly, it was all doom and gloom. Multiple times I received messages where he contemplated giving up tennis.

"I think I'll quit."

"I don't want to do our lesson... I lost on the weekend."

"This sport just isn't for me."

Don’t Base Your Emotional Health on Tennis

It was obvious to me that my recreational player was basing a large chunk of his self-worth on the result of his weekly league matches. He was riding the emotional roller coaster of a win equaling confidence and a loss meaning that he was the shittest tennis player this side of the equator.

Worse, when he lost to players he perceived as weaker than himself, I could see the dark cloud hanging over his head when he shuffled onto the court for our next lesson.

I used to think that club and recreational players were immune from this kind of thinking, and that it was only players who were chasing success at the highest levels who thought that way.

In fact, this mindset is one of the major mistakes I made when I was younger. My whole identity, how I would feel for a few days, how I perceived myself, was simply dependent on my results.

I was so invested in this mindset that losing a practice set to someone meant I'd be in a foul mood for a while.

Everyone loves Grigor! In the below video, we'll cover four tips that you can emulate to try and upskill your forehand, too. A word of caution, though, for some recreational players, placing as much stretch on your forearm as Grigor does is a recipe for getting injured. So make sure your body is also in great condition before trying out these tips.

What’s the Alternative?

So I'm going to offer you some insight that took me over 20 years of playing tennis to come to, and it's something I offered my recreational player when we finally sat down to have a chat about his approach to his matches.

And that is: What kind of relationship do you want to have with tennis?

How do you want to feel every time you walk off the tennis court—win or lose?

Do you want to enjoy being on the court, compete well, fight hard, play smart to the best of your ability that day, and walk off the court content that you got to play tennis?

Or do you want to base your entire mood on whether you lost to that player you think you should have beaten?

Take Some Time to Think

Truly take some time to reflect.

How do you want to feel when you walk off the court?

And use the “Crystal Ball” method. I first heard this from Steve Smith, but the main idea is before the start of the match if you could look into a crystal ball and see the match coming to an end—regardless of win or loss—how would you want to have played?

What kind of decisions would you have wanted to make?

And most importantly: how do you want to feel when you walk off the court? And what can you do that’s within your control that will help you achieve this feeling?

Understanding that tennis is a journey and not just that one league match on the weekend can transform how you experience the sport. Each match, win or lose, is an opportunity to learn something new about your game and yourself.

It’s about progress and iteration.

When I stopped basing my self-worth on if I won or lost, my relationship with tennis improved immeasurably.

By shifting your focus from purely results to improvement and enjoyment, you can change your entire perspective on what it means to step onto a tennis court.

Remember my player from earlier? After our conversation and adjusting his mindset, he began to approach his matches differently. He started focusing on specific aspects of his game in each match, regardless of the outcome.

He set process goals as opposed to outcome goals.

Over time, he reported enjoying tennis more and felt less pressure during matches. His game improved, not just technically but also in how he mentally approached each point.

Don’t let temporary setbacks on the court set the tone for your life off the court. It’s about what kind of relationship you want to have with tennis.

Do you want to be withholden to your emotions, your feelings, based simply on whether you won or lost? Or do you want to approach tennis with a grateful mindset that will allow you to compete and fight well in every match?

If you’re struggling with similar feelings, I’m here to help. Consider taking a Virtual Private Lesson with me, where we can work on strategies that will allow you to enjoy the game more, regardless of the competitive outcome. I’d love to help you find satisfaction in every match.

There are many factors at play, but at the end of the day, if you’re not playing tennis to put food on the table, or depending upon it to purchase your next flight, the choice to decide what kind of relationship you have with tennis is truly yours.

Thanks for reading, and if you enjoyed this issue, I would greatly appreciate it if you could share it with a tennis friend or subscribe to The Fast 4.

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My best,
Malhar