Does it Matter What Your Friends Think? — SS #17

Does peer pressure impact your tennis?

Ha!

You might laugh me off.

What a dumb question, Malhar.

I’m a fully grown adult, you scoff.

I don’t let stuff like that impact me anymore.

Are you sure?

Because you’d be surprised at how many players I know who live and die by the approval of their peers.

Or at the very least are impacted by it to the point where it affects their level of play and the enjoyment they derive from tennis.

Peer Pressure Affects Performance

Let’s say you’ve been trying to add serve-and-volley to your skillset. But you also have to play that annoying guy in your league that all your teammates know about.

On a good day, you might beat him from the baseline… there’s a 30% chance. But you’ve decided to serve and volley because you need to practice it in realistic and competitive scenarios.

You lose the first set 4–6.

Not bad!

Your eyes shift to your teammates on the sidelines.

What are you doing?

Why do you keep serving and volleying?

You sense the judgment in their faces.

You start to feel a familiar tension and anxiety.

If you lose this, there will be the inevitable comments after the match.

Okay, Pete Sampras.

Calm down, Pat Rafter.

The laughs.

The snickering.

To avoid this judgment, you go back to playing from the baseline.

It’s safe. Comfortable.

You know how to do it.

You lose the second set 1–6.

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

This hypothetical scenario highlights a common struggle between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when you play for personal satisfaction and growth, while extrinsic motivation is driven by external factors, like the approval of others or the fear of judgment.

Research has shown that the balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivations plays a pretty important role in how athletes approach their performance, especially for the situation we are concerned about, which is performance!

Edward Deci and Richard Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory (SDT) offers a framework towards understanding this dynamic. According to SDT, intrinsic motivation blossoms when individuals feel competent, autonomous, and connected to their activities—another way to think about it is relatedness.

Deci & Ryan’s work over the years has shown that athletes who are intrinsically motivated tend to experience greater satisfaction and are more likely to persist through challenging conditions and times because their satisfaction comes from a desire for growth and mastery—not from being better than others or achieving wins over others (Deci & Ryan, 1985; Ryan & Deci, 2000).

Now on the other hand, it’s not necessarily bad to be extrinsically motivated. That being said, it can lead athletes to prioritize external rewards and validation and the avoidance of negative feedback. Studies by Frederick and Ryan (1995) highlighted that athletes driven by extrinsic motivators, such as social status, peer approval, fear of judgment, etc., often experienced increased anxiety and not as much enjoyment. In other words, being externally motivated isn’t the best way to build your relationship with your tennis. So with all of this in mind, here you have to ask yourself the hard question.

Are you playing for your peer’s approval?

Or are you playing for your own satisfaction, growth, and enjoyment?

If you’re extrinsically motivated, this may push you towards conforming to perceived expectations from your teammates and in the process you sacrifice long-term goals for short-term validation. The good news is that if you’re aware of this and are take a pause and say, “Hey, maybe I am being extrinsically motivated by my teammates, coaches,” or whoever it might be. If you’re aware of this you can work on reframing your mindset towards intrinsic motivation, which will result in a healthier relationship to tennis, and also a more sustainable relationship to competition.

This type of motivation may push players to conform to perceived expectations from peers, and you’ll end up sacrificing long-term goals for short-term validation. In tennis, as in other sports, the pressure to perform for external approval can create a lot of internal conflict, shifting an athlete’s focus away from self-improvement.

By being aware of this shift, you can recognize the impact of extrinsic pressures and work to reframe your mindset towards intrinsic goals, fostering a healthier, more sustainable approach to competition.

Now let’s go back to the example of the league match we just discussed, where we started with intrinsic motivation and wanting to improve your serve-and-volley skills.

As soon as the pressure of your teammates’ opinions crept in, you shifted to extrinsic motivation, prioritizing what others might think over your original goal. As we’ve just covered, this shift not only affects your performance but also takes away the joy and fulfillment that comes from playing the game for yourself.

Do you want to play for your teammates’ enjoyment and judgment? Or do you want to play and compete for yourself?

Strategies to Overcome Peer Pressure

When you let peer pressure dictate your performance, it can potentially lead to tension, anxiety, and a sub-par performance. Your focus can shift from trying to compete well and executing your game plan to excessive focus on what your peers will think of you.

Playing for external validation is not the way!

With that in mind, the following are some strategies for helping you overcome peer pressure:

1. Set a Clear Expectation Pre-Match: Remind yourself that you care about your long-term development—not what your friends think of you today. In six months, do you want to have serve-and-volley as a skill set? Or are you going to let what your friends think affect you?

2. Mindfulness: The biggest change I noticed with consistent mindfulness practice is that I just became more aware. Mindfulness is just the art of noticing; noticing what’s going on in your consciousness and your train of thought. You’ll probably need consistent practice to really reap this benefit… but soon you’ll start to pick up when your mind wanders to what your friends are thinking! At those moments you can remind yourself to stay present and on the pre-match expectations that you set.

3. Seek Appropriate Feedback: Instead of fixating on what your peers think about you, confer with a trusted coach/mentor. Ask them their thoughts on what you should be focusing on (hint: not what your friends think of you. This advice was given to me as well in my younger days, but, alas, it fell on deaf ears). Seek feedback—even though it might be critical—from those who support your growth.

Tennis should be about your journey and your improvement. And making yourself immune to the whims of peers will help you along that path.

Have you struggled with this before? Share a comment or just write back to me. I don’t always respond to every email, but I do read them.

References

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Plenum. Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68-78. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.68

Frederick, C. M., & Ryan, R. M. (1995). Self-determination in sport: A review using cognitive evaluation theory. International Journal of Sport Psychology, 26, 5-23.

I am not a licensed psychologist or certified sport psychology practitioner (CMPC). My goal is just to bring the best information to tennis players around the world. If you research what I’ve covered, and feel I’ve misunderstood, please get in touch and if required I will happily issue a correction. Wishing you the best in your journey.